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How To Be A "Cool" Woman By Alexandra Fox

Wouldn't it be great if the men  
thought you were one of the
"coolest" women around? 
 Here's the thing -- it takes a really 
special woman to make men think she's 
"cool." Are you cool? Do the men around 
you like you and respect you? Are they 
impressed by you? 
The good news is that being "cool" isn't 
all that hard to do at all! 
In today's newsletter, we'll be 
discussing three reader e-mails I 
recently received, and see how they 
illustrate which traits are "cool" and 
"uncool" in the dating game. 
Feel free to take notes, because you may 
have never heard of these traits before! 

Do you get made when he doesn't call as 
often as you want, or when he cancels a 
date, or when he does something you 
don't agree with? 
Do you sometimes argue with him over 
what he sees as "little things," but you 
feel it's a really big deal? 
SN, a reader, wrote to me about her 
situation recently. She's great buddies 
with this guy in school, and she 
sometimes wonders whether this is "the 
one" for her. 
The problem is that he recently did 
something that made her uneasy. Here's 
what SN wrote me: 
We like being together, cracking jokes 
and just smiling at each other goofily," 
SN explained. "But a few weeks ago, he 
didn't make it to my birthday party. He 
lives quite a distance away from where I 
live, so he wasn't able to make the 
trip. Alex, should I understand him, or 
get mad at him?" 
So, here's my advice straight up -- 
DON'T get mad at him! 
He has a good excuse for not being able 
to make the trip, so let it slide. 
It's a little thing -- and if you get 
mad at him over a little thing, how bad 
will you react when he makes a BIG 
mistake down the line? 
Here's the advice I give my readers and 
clients all the time -- don't get mad at 
him over the little things. 
ONLY get mad at him if he starts lying, 
cheating, stealing, or doing anything 
against the law. 
But when he's just being his cute little 
quirky self, LET IT SLIDE! 
"Cool" girls know when to let things 
slide. When men realize that you're 
level-headed enough not let the little 
things bother you, they'll think you're 
strong enough to handle the BIG things 
too -- and they find that really, REALLY 

Here's another question -- what do you 
think of women who can sleep with men 
too quickly in the relationship, such as 
right after the first date? 
Are they cool, or are they uncool? 
If you don't know the answer, then don't 
worry -- a LOT of women don't! 
AE, another reader of mine, wrote to me 
about this VERY common question. She 
comes from a conservative background 
that encourages her to save sex for the 
first night of marriage. 
And while she's proud of her standards, 
she worries that it's keeping the men 
"Most of the men I met talk about having 
sex with me within the first few 
months," AE complained. "I tell them 
that I'm saving it for marriage, but as 
a result, they don't stay with me for 
very long. Should I give in to their 
wishes to finally get a boyfriend who 
will stay with me?"  

For AE and everyone asking the same 
question, here's my answer: 
If your beliefs dictate that you save 
sex for marriage, stick to your beliefs. 
If having sex too early in the 
relationship makes you feel dirty and 
guilty, then don't do it. 
You're TOTALLY in control of your 
Here's what I think -- would you really 
lower your standards for a guy? 
Would you really sacrifice your 
integrity just to get a boyfriend? 
No, right? 
(I hope not!) 
Ladies, when it comes down to it, your 
own integrity will always, ALWAYS be 
more important than a boyfriend. Always! 
So that's my advice -- keep your 
standards up. Stick to what you believe 
in. Stick to your values. Stick to your 
Trust me, it takes a VERY strong woman 
to stand up for her beliefs. 
And when you're strong enough to do so, 
eventually you'll attract men who'll 
understand you, respect you, and LOVE 
you for the truly "cool" woman you are. 
And when they finally come, you'll know 
that it was well worth the wait! 

Here's the situation -- after a long, 
casual relationship, he finally tells 
you he loves you. What do you say? 
Do you take him seriously and say "I 
love you, too?" 
Or do you start to feel suspicious -- 
after all, your relationship has been 
non-committed all this time? 
That's the situation that JH, one of my 
readers, found herself in just recently. 
Let's read her e-mail together: 
"We've been in a non-committed 
relationship for the past 5 months," JH 
wrote. "But one day, I got into a car 
accident with a semi-truck. I wasn't 
hurt, but my boyfriend made the two-hour 
trip from his town to see me that night. 
While cuddling, he finally said 'I love 
you' to me. I didn't say anything. 
"Alex, is he serious? I'm just scared of 
getting hurt by a guy again. I've 
already experienced being left by a 
boyfriend in the past, even after he 
told me he loved me." 
Well, JH, here's my advice -- do you 
love him back? 
If you do, then take a chance on the 
relationship and TELL HIM! 
Here's an important difference between 
ordinary and "cool" women. "Cool" women 
aren't afraid to get hurt by a 
relationship that doesn't work out. 
If the relationship works out, great. 
If it doesn't, that's okay -- she's too 
cool to be hung up over one guy anyway! 
So don't be afraid of getting hurt. 
After all, most of us go through a few 
bad boys before we meet "Mr. Right!"
Just make sure that the guy you're 
seeing is always better than the last 
one -- don't settle for any less. That 
way you'll keep meeting better and 
higher-quality men all the time! 
The bottom line is this -- a "cool" 
woman knows her way around the dating 
game. She knows how love works, she 
knows what she wants, and she knows 
EXACTLY how to deal with the men she 
meets in her life. 
So, here's my question 
-- do you want to be cool? 
Do you want to master the dating game? 
Do you want to know EXACTLY how to deal 
with the men in your life? 


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Out in the Open
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